How it feels when you are trying to take even baby steps



It’s a detox of such staggering proportions that sometimes it can feel like The Universe is conspiring against us—trees fall on our cars, our computers crash, we find our significant others in bed with our best friends, we get our identities stolen, we get the flu, our roofs cave in, we sit in gum—when in reality, The Big Snooze is creating chaos in an attempt to self-sabotage and keep everything as is, instead of moving forward into unknown, yet desperately wanted, new territory.

You Are A BadAss: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

I had just listened to this chapter yesterday morning when I went to the Rec Center where I work to finally join. I had my paperwork all in hand. I was employed full time now. My doctor had filled out the forms for my getting a discount rate (without the pressure of the last gym membership). I had a day where I felt like I had my shit together. I was finally feeling a tiny bit better and I might recover from the cold I have been battling. I checked stuff off my to-do list including getting The Girl registered for some private swim lessons.

We got all of the work done to have the cost deducted from my paychecks when Bam! “That will be $XX.00.” “Wait you are taking it out of my pay, no?” “Yes but you have to pay the first month.”

Let me tell you there is nothing I hate more than surprises, better known as “who fucked with my PLAN?!” I did not budget that in. I get paid Friday and I can take care of it then but when you are just starting and you do not have a huge reserve/foundation yet it is these things that can knock you for a loop. It is these things that make you just want to say Fuck it all and go buy Dairy Queen and McDonald’s and eat all the way home.

I did not do that. I was slytherin angry polite, which might be a variation on Southern angry polite but I can’t speak to that since I am usually New York angry which has no polite to it at all, told them I would be back and went back to my office and reread the chapter on how The Big Snooze and the “Source Energy”* would fuck with everything when you try to make changes.

Big Moral here: I am still too sick to really use the gym. I have no firm lessons scheduled for The Girl so I don’t need to be a member. Friday is soon enough. I tripped over the crack in the sidewalk and was basically angry someone saw. But it is not the end of the world. Perspective: Get some, WVRed.


*I will totally come back to the hokey “Source Energy” thing later because I have been rolling around with conscious intention which focuses magic work and if sub- or unconscious intention can also have an impact. And I personally think that might be a better fit.

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