”The next time you catch yourself getting brought down by your expectations, shift things in a different direction. Instead of getting your knickers in a twist about how things didn’t turn out the way you wanted or expected them to, simply accept them for what they are. In that moment you are now freed up to deal with them.”

― Gary John Bishop, Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life 

For the last week or so things have been harder again. I am still not physically well or as well as I think I should be. I am not staying on task with even the small things I have laid out for myself. I expected I would be able to manage at least that. I still have not gotten back to the gym to join up. But top on the list there has been some major disappointments in my life which involve other people, some big and some small but all of them add up to my reflecting back to this quote.

Honestly, I was laid out by what my expectations were and the fact that once again they were not met. I don’t know why. They are, for the most part, recurring patterns. Patterns in which I am repeatedly setting myself up for disappointment. I need to remember in all things that expectations are the groundwork for disappointment and resentment. In some cases, I have tried specifically laying out my expectations and asking for what I need and still the result is the same.* Now I just need to come to the realization that I either live with resentment and disappointment or just realize I am not the priority in these situations and try to let go of the expectations. Nothing will make what I want or need materialize, so I need to figure out how to shift things away from having others meet those wants and needs to only expecting things that I can fulfill on my own.

*Asking for people to meet my needs is incredibly difficult for me. But that is a post all in and of itself.