Baby Steps

Week one down. I have been fairly kind to myself. I got very sick on my way up to Pittsburgh for a memorial service for my favorite older generation in-law. That really influenced my choice of the one small thing to focus on this week. I decided since I was so ill I would focus on something which did not require physical exertion but on getting back to low carb eating.
I know in my head that carbs make me feel awful. They make my body hurt, they trigger immunity responses like worsening allergies, edema, joint pain and more. But for some reason, ok for many reasons, I still continue to eat them. Does it matter if it is because I think I do not deserve to be well? Or if I think that only well people have the self-control to stop themselves and eat them proves that I am not that? Or is it just that those are the foods that for many years gave me comfort when I had little other sources of comfort? Or honestly does it just not matter? I eat things that are bad for me and I don’t just do it occasionally, I do/did it all the time with increasing frequency over the past few years. And if I am going to even begin to feel better at all I needed to make this one of the first things that I tackled. Being ill made the decision for me.
I did not jump back into tracking and monitoring and all of the things which I super fail at and make me rush back into my poor eating habits and ALL THE COMFORT CARBS. I just made simple choices based on carb counts. Will I get there? I think so after I have mastered this small thing. But for now I will just continue to eat mindfully and with an eye to no sugar, no grains, no dairy (except cream), and very limited fruit.
I have continued to ruminate about how I am going to proceed for week two. I am not thinking bigger than that for now. I think it is a matter of small steps which in the end lead to big change. I am getting my medication schedule back under control which I think is super important. I am thinking next week I would like to try and add something physical, maybe some easy walking since my lungs are currently coming up in large-ish chunks. I would be resting comfortably in a sanatorium by the sea “recovering” from consumption if this was the Edwardian Era in England. And The Girl will want to be back to working out which will be motivating.
Additionally, my book club is making noises about meeting to discuss Michelle Obama’s Becoming so I will be adding some reading into my schedule.
Small steps of getting back to a place of just being OK is the goal. So Week One was just mindful eating. Week Two will just be continuing with that and maybe adding in some mindful bodywork.